On The Money – The Garri Diet


Watch it!

You’re going too fast there.

Isn’t that a little too much for you?

Isn’t that a little too high for you?

These are the words my my mind whispers when I’m about to buy something unnecessary and outrageously expensive. Or if I want to be honest, what it actually says is,

‘Are You Sure You’re Not Going To Drink Garri For That?’

Let me add that my mind doesn’t whisper oh. No, it’s very loud, making all these noises in my head, joining forces with the price tag of the item she doesn’t want me buying, to give me headache. I’m the one who whispers quietly to her most times that garri and groundnut doesn’t sound bad because if I shout back at it, I won’t be here writing this. I will be at Yaba left.

This is where I tell you the story of when I spent N23,000 to buy makeup and still couldn’t seize the bae.

You know how you can practically build the 3rd Mainland Bridge by just watching a couple of YouTube videos? I’m sure you will agree with me that you can learn everything on that platform.

On The Money - Makeup horrors

However, for one reason or the other, no matter how many videos I watched my makeup still wasn’t as amazing as the countless Makeup Artists on there. I did all the tricks, everything, my makeup just wouldn’t sit and in the rare moments it actually looked fine, by noon of the same day, oil, enough to fry plantain, would be dripping from my face.

I’m not kidding.

I got frustrated and almost got to the point of giving up on makeup totally but I’m not Beyonce, I don’t wake up flawless. Then one day, an idea occurred to me and at the time of its inception, it seemed like the best idea. So, armed with my ATM card, I walked into the mall and bought 3 of the most expensive, high end makeup products to the tune of N23,000.

On The Money - Makeup shopping

In my head I had discovered the cure to cancer. I felt victorious and those loud voices I’m usually subjected to in moments like this were strangely and suspiciously quiet. The next day, after taking a shower, I took my highly prized possessions and did my makeup once again. It was perfect. I looked divine.

Till 12 Noon.

My face was as messed up as always. I drank my first cup of garri that night and thankfully my mind didn’t talk much. It had no strength to make a force since there was no food.

It took the advice of a concerned friend who told me that although I had the best products, they weren’t for me as I have oily skin and needed to use products suitable for my skin type. To cut the long story short, I still had to spend money to get the right products.

I drank garri for quite a while after that ordeal and when in a moment of desperation I ‘casually’ gisted my mother about it, hoping that help would come from her quarters, she told me that the next time I got hungry, I should cuddle up to my makeup bag.

I didn’t get any help from anyone but I did learn a few valuable lessons –

  • Never invest in anything without proper research. I mean come on! Do your groundwork on anything  you want to put money into. Anything that will take your money needs to be thoroughly checked. This applies to every area of your life. Do not invest your time, money, emotions on things/people without analysing their usefulness, and importance in your life/business.
  • Just because it worked for everyone else, doesn’t mean it will work for you. This happens every time. Iyabo buys this and it looks good on her and you decide to buy yours and when you do, you realise how totally inappropriate it is for you.
  • If you make bad investments, most times you will need to spend more money to make up your losses.
  • You can’t eat makeup and garri doesn’t make for a healthy, flat-tummy-keeping routine.
  • My mind is wiser than me and I’m sure the same applies for the majority of us. Learn to listen to it more.


Yours in Crisp Mint Notes,








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